Recovering Addict of 5 Hour Energy pt 2

The new anxiety had set in. I was still at least 30 minutes out from my destination. I began to sweat uncontrollably, my heart began racing, panic, utter terror gripped my mind and forced my muscles to spasm. Where my hand was on the steering wheel, was now a gaping missing piece of rubber that was about the size of my grip. I had inadvertently ripped a piece out of the steering wheel. My heartbeat began to grow, at this point, every time my heart beat, my vision blurred because of it. The best way I can describe the feeling is, I imagine it feels the way an epileptic in an active seizure looks. The panic, the terror, and utter lack of muscle control. Frantically, I begin screaming, lost in my own world of trying to dodge headlights on the freeway, and yelling at them to get out of the way, because I had no control of the vehicle. I'm 15 minutes away from my destination, now. I realize that between the muscle tweaking spasms and trying to dodge killer street lights, I don't remember the last 10 minutes. Was I driving while blacked out? Did I go off the road? Or worse, did I unknowingly hit anybody?!

I swear that I need to stay awake, but if I killed someone in my sleep, I couldn't forgive myself. How could I live with myself?? I am in no condition to drive, but I keep on In this current state of mind, vowing empty promises to God if he got me to my Brothers house safely, blah-blah-blah. You know the drill.

I turn the radio up as loud as it gets while I flip open the middle console in my Buick and snatch my last box of No-Doze. I unfold the top and dig into the opening with my fingers as quickly as I could when suddenly, my heart dropped, and my mouth dried at the same time. I didn't feel the sleeve of pills. Could I really be out of pills?! I really ate 30 No-Doze in a space of 10 hours? O_o

8 minutes out, I reach down into the floor, amongst the bottles and cups of my "wake up juice" concoctions from throughout the day. All Empty. My mind is going a million miles a minute, keeping time with my heart rate, as I'm thinking about what to do next. I decide to reach for my cell phone and call my brother.

He answers, and I don't remember much of that conversation, but I remember him being there for me, listening to my babbling, my screaming, and whatever else happened in that conversation.

3 minutes out. I begin crying. I don't know why, but I feel broken. It's a deeper set feeling. My Heart, still beating like an angry snare drum, now feels heavy in my chest. Almost like it's out of breath. I know these roads, and these turns seem familiar, but I must be on auto pilot, because everything is just happening. Everything seems to be slow motion. I can see everything happen, but I couldn't stop it if I wanted to.

I turn on to my brother's street, and he's on the porch, lights on, phone still to his ear, listening to me babble weakly. I park the vehicle and stumble out of the car. I don't know how I made it up those steps, but I did. I lean in to hug my brother, and partially collapsed while we hugged.

As he's telling me everything is ok, and is going to be ok... that feeling that overwhelms and pushes up from the pit of your stomach, the uncontrollable one, when it feels like someone took your diaphragm twisted it, wrapped it around your organs and yanked on your esophagus until the only reaction it's what word describes it. Hurl.

But it want what I ate, I was bleeding from my nose and mouth.

The rest of the night was a blur between a destructive headache, a rapid heart beat, and a constant flow of the red stuff from my nose and mouth. I thought I was going to die that night...

Next- the conclusion..

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