Whats on my mind? Are you sure you want to know?

Haven't been able to sleep well lately, and my mind has been flooded with the past. Maybe too much Adele. Maybe I'm at a point in my life where skeletons need to be dealt with. Thats the problem with keeping them in the closet. When you open the door to hide a new one, the current occupants of the proverbial closet are frozen in their dead gaze. Staring and Starting toward the doorway. Hoping for freedom. Gasping for air.

(i know what thats like)

Whats on my mind...Vs3

If I could... I would dig out the memories I have of you, embedded in my brain with a scalpel/

I would cry until my tear ducts dried up and hemorhaged into bleeding tears, just to keep my eyes lubricated/

You asked how far I would go for you, but while I was gone to prove my love, you proved me right, I knew you didn't love me/

I knew it, but I never said anything because the kisses felt right, and you called me "Baby"/

Do you remember this? This place? The last time we were here there were candles, and I gave you a part of me that I never asked you to return/

Well, now I'm back here, without you, no light, and all I wish for now is that stupid piece that I gave you so I can cook it and burn/

It, and destroy it because I'm already hollow without it/

Here I am, trying to find a part of me, lost so long ago that if it stabbed me in what was left of my heart I wouldnt recognize it/

Instead, I'm ripping out every part of you from my mind at the roots, and its not even hurting you/

I'm the one dealing with the pain of you leaving, and still wondering, what did feigning love gain you?/

You were all I ever wanted, the last time I ever wanted to say "i love you"/

I treated you like the last bit of oxygen in my throat, while drowning, trying to hold on to you as long as I could, too/

But no. instead of just dying, you stay immortalized in my pen and notes/

My mind begins to bleed and constricts my throat/

You asked me what was wrong, and thats fair, so I'll tell you/

My words leave kisses on my lips as they stutter and stumble out of my mouth/

my mind stays on fire, burning memories of my love for you, and I'll probably never be able to put it out.

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I say nothing

I say Nothing...Vs3

I say nothing, because you should already know/

In words not spoken, my bodys language is more fluent so/

I let the distaste for the words that you use show/

On my face because I shouldn't have to say anything, you should already know/

When someone feels the need to express "no homo" at the end of a compliment/

Like Im really so stupid that I can't tell you were straight, or confuse what you meant/

When you said my shirt looked nice, the compliment was straight, but your words are bent/

Trying to cover your tracks like a drug addict with long sleeves/

I say NOTHING. You should already know./

Does the fact that you do not live that lifestyle give you the right to slur?/

Is it because being gay is neither race nor creed, that you get caught up in the blur?/

Why does it not get uncomfortable in the room when someone describes something they dislike as "thats gay", why doesn't it hurt?/

Homosexuals are people too. Yes I'm sure/

I shouldn't have to tell you this, you should already know!/

What if everytime someone described something that they didn't like with your name, race, ideals or family?/

"that's so Kuresa, so Samoan, so Christian," or "so Tupua", and yes it would get to me/

Feel free to substitute your own life into these situations, and say it with the same distaste and hate that you say these words that offend me/

Hate and blame is universal and it is the poison residue passed down that was left on the lips of eve/

I want to scream this in your face, but you should already know/

So a celebrity says "faggot", that makes it ok right?/

It makes it ok because celebrities got their lives together right?/

Everybody repeats it because everybody does it, right?/

Why didn't it carry the same weight as a caucasian slurring on an ethnic type? It got quiet real quick in here, right?/

I could go on for days teaching, but, all this, you should already know!/

I don't care what you think of the lifestyle, I don't want to hear it/

But in words you say, just mind peoples feelings./

People are people no matter who they Love or who loves them/

You think "this is gay" but you're the one needing to be set "straight"/

People. Homosexuals are people with real feelings and family and friends too./

I shouldn't even have to tell you this, because, THIS, you shouldve already knew/

One does not need to be, in order to fight for/

So check your words before choosing slurs./

.........

I know many will not agree with me, but I really don't care. If the hate continues, then so will the pain.

I am not Gay, but I have many friends who are. And they are among the best people I know. They are the least judgmental and the most genuine friends that I count myself blessed to have them in my life. Love your life.

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Phase 2 complete

This will be a short post. I have been away for a while and shirking my Blog responsibilities. I apologize, but I have a very good reason for it. Now for legal reasons, I cannot disclose what it is at this present time, but, just know that it was important and shall be revealed in due time. :)

Vague, I know. It was a project that had me working and creating from November until yesterday. Yesterday, I completed the project that had me cursing my abilities with ink and word. It kept me awake, worried me, and on a few occasions, made me want to quit and walk away.

I'm glad I didn't. I had a latent worry that one I finished the project, I would once be left alone like the counts times before where someone asked something of me, I gave it and I never heard from them again.

Anyway. I'm so excited about everything that is happening. It certainly does leave me looking forward to tomorrow.

I am currently working on another project, but I will try to keep this updated.

This is what goes on in the mind of a Nice guy...

Smile today, so you remember how to smile tomorrow. :)

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